The 2005 remake of the 1979 movie “The Amityville Horror,” which is based on a true story that was eventually proven to be fiction — off to a great start! — has three major flaws: the producers, the screenwriter, and the director. As Michael Bay is one of these producers, I should’ve known how bad it would be. Still, he wasn’t to blame for it all. Behind the scenes we get to meet the two young producers behind the project, (a sort of unclever couple real-life version of the slackers in “Knocked Up,” which is great, by the way). Dumb and Dumber tell the viewers that they saw the 1979 original on DVD and said that this had to be their next project. ‘Nuff said. Later on, I came to learn that they also came up with the completely unoriginal notion that they should change the awkward babysitter with a nightbrace into a hottie. While Scott Kosar, the screenwriter, wanted to keep the awkward teen, these two producers said no way! this was their chance to have a “smokin’ babysitter.” Dude.

As for Scottie, I can sympathize with the difficulty of adapting an existing work, and know that when you do so, you have to make it your own, but Kosar’s first change was replacing Jodie the Demonic Pig (the very idea of which was terrifying) into Jodie the Fictional Little Sister Ronny DeFeo shot in her closet (yawn). He also added a fictional devil-worshipper (the Reverend Jeremiah Ketcham) who may or may not have been based on a man of a similar name (John Ketcham) who allegedly practiced witchcraft in Salem. To further confuse the issue, Kosar had this Ketcham fellow torturing Native Americans in this very house long, long ago, back when that sort of thing was in vogue. And he was driving males insane, begging them to “Ketcham and Kill’em” (eyeroll).

These elements transparently provide the script with an all-too-clear reason behind everything, as does getting the Lutz’s out of the house for a dinner, just to show that it’s the house making George (Ryan Reynolds) crazy, when they had no business ever leaving that house or the area for the entire film, except for Kathy’s (Melissa George) obligatory visit to the priest. Like Kubrick’s adaptation of “The Shining,” this house is everything. It is the main character. And these houses don’t show you all the rooms, or hit you over the head with obvious plot devices. Claustrophobia is what makes these types of movies work. It’s called cabin fever, Kosar, look it up. Daddy going crazy is all the real horror you need.

But Andrew Davis, the director, sadly felt the need to provide ghosts, some of whom don’t even look as if they belong in the movie, and other “spooky” visuals. He doesn’t just show these things, however; he punctuates every single potentially scary moment with a crash of horror music, thus rendering the moment completely unscary.

Other things that are are wrong with this hearse wreck:

• Kosar changed the Lutz kids’ names from Daniel, Christopher, and Missy to Billy, Michael, and Chelsea. I don’t recall if that was the case in the original, but the only reason there could possibly be for doing this is a lawsuit.

• Before Ronny DeFeo shoots Jodie, he says, “I love you, Jodie.” This is a device to show for future reference that this particular ghost girl is named Jodie. Ronny supposedly believed his family were demons, so this line of dialogue makes no logical sense.

• There’s one moment when George walks into the room and Jodie’s being held to the ceiling by a pair of arms, one hand over her mouth. He doesn’t see her and leaves the room. What was the purpose of the scene?

• The babysitter puts her bong in her purse – 1) no smoke comes out of it although it had just been used; 2) the water would spill all over her stuff; 3) George finds it later, in the house.

• If your husband moves into the basement, it’s time to call a realtor, and yet Kathy has no reaction. In fact, it’s not even mentioned.

• They’re frantic to get out of the house, and yet they don’t just break one of the great big windows on the first floor – instead, they go up onto the roof. In the rain.

There was one redeeming quality about the film: the actors. I thought every one of them turned out a committed, fine performance. I felt so sorry for them, being stuck in this — pardon the phrase — horror show of a film.